How to Say “No” Without Feeling Like a Jerk

Thursday is guest post day here at Duct Tape Marketing and our guest today is Bob Burg, author of Adversaries into Allies – you can download a free chapter by visiting

You’ve probably gotten a request that was unreasonable at some point, I know I have. Or maybe you’ve locked down on the two or three core priorities that need all of your attention only to get tempted by some new cool project. About once a week I receive a request for help that would entail hours of time with no mention of the fact that I might need to be compensated should I say yes.

In today’s post, from my friend Bob Burg, you’ll learn how to say no to those things you should say no to in a gracious and effective way.

how to say noHave you ever been asked to do something that you simply didn’t want to do? Yet, saying no was difficult. Perhaps you didn’t want to let them down or even appear selfish.

On the other hand, you really didn’t want to say yes.

Saying no can be difficult, can’t it?

You may have received advice saying that it’s okay to just tell people no! Or, even that “’No’ is a complete sentence!”

Well, despite the momentary feeling of empowerment upon hearing that, saying no, especially like that, is easier said than done.

After all, are you willing to say no in such a way that it offends the person, closes the door on other opportunities or — most importantly — simply runs contrary to your core value of treating people kindly?

Probably not. Especially if you’re the type who has a hard time turning people down anyway.

Good news:

You can say no. And, you can do it with tact, kindness, and in a way that makes the other person feel good about themselves.


Let’s say a friend or colleague asks you to serve on a committee. For whatever reason, you’d rather not. Simply say:

Thank you for your kind offer. While it’s not something I’d like to do, please know how honored {or grateful} I am to be asked.

The key is to say it with kindness and gratitude and with absolutely no defensiveness.

Key point. This is vital: Make no excuses!

Resist the very natural urge to say, “I don’t have time” or something similar. If you do, they’ll attempt to answer your objection. And, when they do you’ll either have to accept (so that you don’t appear to be a liar) or admit that what you said wasn’t really true. Either way, bad feelings will ensue.

Don’t get sucked into that game. The above response along with a genuine smile of gratitude will accomplish your goal. That, and no excuses!

But, what if they persist?

For example, he or she says, “oh, c’mon; why not?” Or, “please, we really need you.”

All you have to do is reply with a sincere smile and say, “I’d just rather not, but thank you so much for considering me.”

The person will clearly understand that you’re not going to accept the position, but cannot possibly be offended because of your gracious, humble and appreciative attitude.

Once you begin training the people in your life (even those who are used to your giving in) that you are able to say no and not be bullied, coerced or guilted into doing something, you will find that, from now on, all it will take is one “no” per request to not be asked again.

Of course there are plenty of times that “yes” is the appropriate response. But, saying no when you should say no allows you to say yes more often when you feel you should say yes.

And, it allows you to do what you do say yes to much more effectively.

Excerpted from Bob Burg’s new book, Adversaries into Allies. Best known as coauthor of The Go-Giver, Burg’s newest book will help you to become a top influencer and persuader, learning how to consistently obtain the results you want, while helping everyone come away a winner. You can get Chapter One by visiting

The ROI of Relationships

Marketing podcast with Bob Burg

I suspect the title of this post will raise some eyebrows. I mean relationships aren’t about ROI right? They’re about something much deeper. Something you don’t measure in the same way you might, say, the performance of an ad.


photo credit: Angela Radulescu via photopin cc

Well, maybe. Relationships in business are more important than ever and why not think about the return on the time and assets you invest in building real ones.

Relationships can and do feed the soul and make businesses more human and they are quite often the key to great success.

When we work to build relationships we invest our relevance, our influence and our network – all valuable assets. So, why not think in terms of investing these things wisely.

But, if we were to take this ROI notion to heart, we must measure the right thing.

I visited with Bob Burg, best selling author of Endless Referrals and The Go-Giver for this week’s episode of the Duct Tape Marketing Podcast and right off the bat Bob offered this, “All things being equal we do business with and refer those we know, like and trust.”

I know you’ve probably heard me utter those same words many times and it is the ultimate game we engage in – building trust. In fact, I would argue that trust and respect are the definitive measures of a strong and healthy relationship.

Today it’s so easy to talk about the relationship we invest in with our thousands of Twitter followers or our Google+ Circles, but can that scale in any manner that feeds the soul or the bank account?

One of Burg’s greatest contributions to the art of relationship building comes from his relentless pursuit of the notion of giving before getting. Healthy relationships are almost always built on our ability to add value.

Value can be something as simple as “you make me feel better” to something much more business like such as “you help us get more from our current assets,” but the equation remains the same – those that enter into relationships and potential relationships seeking to give value earn trust and respect and that’s how you produce a return on your investment.

I believe you can start to measure the ROI of relationships based on how much you give. Think about that for a minute. You can measure the success of a relationship based on what you give rather than what you get.

What if that was the standard by which you measured how you engaged your world?

What if instead of just looking for ways to engage potential buyers you looked for more ways to do things like introduce others, make referrals, express appreciation, share other people’s content, promote someone else’s dream or understand what a person was lacking.

Although it may at times seem counterintuitive, and it can’t be done with an eye on reciprocation, this is how you measure the ROI of relationships.

Thursday Guest Stars

Here are your guest contributors for Thursday's edition of the Duct Tape Marketing Small Business Week iPad Giveaway. Read each of the five posts that follow and click our entry form link to match the guest star with their post.…

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